THE OTHER SIDE

Something in every human being likes to make a big deal out of little things. Somehow we manage to get infuriated at seemingly ignoble things. That’s the only reason for the statement; “patience is a virtue” if it wasn't so hard to get it wouldn't have its own cliche. It would have been a regular human characteristic like “anger”. Everyone gets angry for some reason or the other. While some of us, a small percentage, I must say, seek the virtue patience, a larger majority pride themselves in their ability to get angry and to sustain their anger for weeks on end.

I've heard people say things like; “don’t let me show you my true color” or “if I turn my other side” or “you wouldn't like to see the real me oh” or “let me not turn my red eye”. Seriously, we have psychos walking along the streets! This is a cause for alarm! Why would anyone proudly claim to be schizophrenic? All the aforementioned statements point to the fact that there may exist another man in the speaker. Or, that we most of the time deal with only one half of a person and the second half is waiting to be aroused to action by an offensive act.

I used to live in Abuja and the best place to see “the other side” come out of docile existence is in traffic episodes. Even your friends become maniacs given way to their more aggressive other that you never knew existed. I may never be able to wrap my head around the concept of leaving the car where it was hit. Now that is sheer selfishness. Sorry your car was hit but does that make everyone subject to your aroused other self? Yes the red eye will work now to get the offender to pay or do what he has to do to get your car into the condition it was before it was hit but, hey, we road users will like to continue on our way! It is actually sad to see some car owners after they've been hit especially if they are more concerned about the car than fighting the offender. It is also an eyesore to experience delay not because everyone seems to be heading in your direction at the same time (which is a normal occurrence here) but because someone’s red eye has been exposed.

Recently, I drove by an incident where there were 3 damaged cars. From the position of the cars I deciphered that the Honda which was compressed on the side (driven by a young man who looks like a northerner to me) must have been entering the road from a t-junction on the left so he clearly had right of way. The sport-ish looking car which I couldn't identify was facing the road and from the damage in front of the car, it must have been the one that ran into the Honda. A golf was hanging halfway down the road divider just a few meters ahead (cannot say how it got into that position but my informant said it was involved in the accident as well). Three pretty ladies who looked no older than 24, we hurdling together beside a police man while another lady was talking to the guy with the Honda. From his stance and her genuflecting I figured he hadn't said more than an “Allah ki a ye” and she had shed a few tears. Seeing the police there I knew the case was beyond a few tears and will yield a healthy sum of money. It took us almost 5 minutes to drive by this scene which ideally would have taken a few seconds. As usual, few well meaning Nigerians went to “help” but they parked on the road and reduced it from a double lane to a single one. Now, not only was the golf owner nowhere to be seen, the other road users found enjoyment in watching the ladies tears and preventing me from making my appointment on time. A number of us joined in the anger going round, some of us from being delayed unduly and others from hearing the driving tale of the crying lady. Before long, the policeman had a lot of people to pacify. I couldn't be more upset and I could tell my “other side” was beginning to rouse from inactivity and I had to remember the virtue I so earnestly pursue, “patience”.

Traffic accidents may be an excuse to cause a scene but trust me I've seen the “red eye” or “other side” in the market, on the street, in the office, at church, you name it. It’s like people just wait expecting you to annoy them or “step on their toes” (these have to be the toes of the “other side” I’m guessing). It’s surprising and alarming how many people tell you their religion or beliefs do not play a part in their chosen expression of anger. Therefore, they can say and do whatever they like, giving patience a glare as they let go, letting the “other side” take control to later blame it on the now docile side of them we see occasionally or as the situation demands.

If we can see the excuses as well as the faults we may be able to keep our “other sides” under control for half the time. If we decide to seek peace we will naturally gain patience as well. You may not get your way all the time but you will be more at peace with yourself most of the time.

Research has shown that we use up more facial muscles when we frown than when we smile. And happy people live longer than angry ones. In Nigeria, it is said that the Yoruba’s live longer than any other tribe because they know how throw a good party. They are constantly celebrating one thing or the other and their anger fades out faster than people of other tribes. In whatever light you see the Yoruba’s, try to get the joyous spirit from them without their other known or unknown vices (don’t ask me, I’m just being objective here).

The fastest route to hypertension is bitterness and to high blood pressure is worrying. Take it from me; these diseases are avoidable through finding peace within and without you. Don’t see yourself as the victim all the time and you’ll realize you’re not as angry and sad most of the time.


p.s

Treating people the way you want to be treated will surely reduce the frequency of the emerging of the “other side”