Affectionate Ignorance

Affection is defined by the Word Web dictionary as, “a positive feeling of liking”. Encarta dictionary says it is a, “fond or tender feeling towards someone or something”. Therefore, the word affection denotes the positive and good.

The portrayal of affection most times seeks reciprocity in kind; no one wants to like someone who doesn’t like them back. And as a result, denial becomes a game and an interesting one at that.


We are then faced with the eminent questions;

1. Who do I like?

2. What kind of characteristics can I stand?

3. Who do I want to like me and why?

4. Who must like me?

“Like” here is now the substitute for affection as the definition clearly states that there is no affection without a liking.

I personally like (love) George Clooney but he is none the wiser! I will like to have Cece Winans as my mother in the next life but as I’m told “then” won’t require mothers. I will like to be a comfortable size 8 for the rest of my life that means I better start Zumba dancing and dumbbells raising. Okay, I’m digressing but the point is; there’s is a wide gap between what we desire/like and what we can get.

George Clooney is in some part of America enjoying the attention of fans, getting embarrassed at men stripping for him on national TV and all attempts to pull off his cool (because he’s cool) without the slightest obligation to respond in kind.

I personally believe in the “like me I like you” theory but how can we stop our hearts from reaching out to the most unlikely individuals who eventually become points of our affection. (Have no regrets if you can).

Is it so wrong to have loved and lost or more relevant to this discuss, to show unrequited affection? My opinion “NO”

As far as I’m concerned, love makes the heart tender thereby keeping it human.

Within the context of a breakup in reference to 2 individuals in-love or 1 individual in-love with the wrong person; a breakup is painful. However, after the mourning period, the heart yearns for the good moments and regrets the opportunity to show affection lost. As they say, “the heart loves who it loves”. Of course, there is hurt but also there are the pleasant memories of the existed time of affection shared in love (or liking as the case maybe). Love has no regrets, it benefits the giver.

A few of us have people we call friends who actually are merely acquaintances but because we like them we overlook their apparent show of irritation towards us and their obvious lack of units to keep in touch via the abundantly available mobile networks. So, we doggedly include ourselves in their lives to prove a point to ourselves that will over time drain us of the ability to show affection for others because we are completely drained and not replenished. We laugh out loud at their not-so-funny jokes while they stare at us when we smile at ours; they conclude activities without us and apologize for not including us the tenth time and they never have “hang-out” time.

This is the case of affection unrequited!

On the other hand, we become the ones who smile politely at a “friends” joke hoping he or she can read “go away” in our condescending smile. We deliberately forget their activities and conveniently forget to include them in ours. We always pretend we do not know who is on the phone or blame it on the telecomm companies for bad performance. Whichever way we are well equipped with excuses for being so absent from their lives.

Over the last 3 years, I have made it my priority to discover who my true friends are (true as in reciprocating my affections) and who should calmly fall into the category of “acquaintance” without a fight. Yes I have tried to forget my own advice and the theory that says, “Friendship no be by force” and hold on to people to see me as the inevitable or the liability. In 3 years I have to some extent separated the sheep from the goats and I must say I’m happier than ever. Also, in trying to be pragmatic, I have considered some of the so called acquaintances from my point of view who insist on being friends and it has worked out. After a few instances of forcing out the “affection” it began to come to me naturally. Honestly, if you give them a chance you’ll find out they are really your true friends and not the ones approved by you.

Finally love should be freely given to all and sundry, just be weary of who you let into your heart. If you answer the questions above honestly you may come to realize that you may just be a snob or not sure of how to measure friendship.

Friends are people who are emotionally close, who trust and are fond of each other.

Please show affection to children, the sick and grieving as it comes easily to show affection to this category. However, since this article is on the art of liking a person as a friend or more, I’ll say “know thy friends” but be willing to open your heart to people who openly show you affection.

Love doesn’t lose even if it is caught within time and space. It’s too heartwarming to pass up on no matter what.

You can’t lose with love. Show someone some affection every chance you get it’s the sure way of keeping you human.



p.s

I keep getting calls from a private number and I only hear silence or static on the other side when I pick, once I heard a faint hello and as I responded the line went dead. Now, this isn’t affection it’s just spooky!