Blood is Thicker Than Water

I became an independent citizen about 5 years ago and it’s been both fun and the opposite. But it’s been an eye opener. Yes, the world is mean and cruel and you have make a way for yourself while using what you’ve got to get what you want. But I learnt another lesson too; “blood is thicker than water” is relative.

I have been living in Abuja for the last 4 years and in that time I’ve experienced a paradigm shift. So much so that I see appreciate the phrase, “a friend sticks closer than a brother” more than “blood is thicker than water”. I now know that family knows the right thing to say to put a smile on your face temporarily while friends know what to do to put a smile there permanently. Some of the friends I’ve made have become my greatest friends ever and have defied the “childhood” friend rule
because they have become better friends to me in our short time than those I’ve known for years.

I came into Abuja in search of the second stage of life; in search of self – making my own way in the world. The first stage being; parental guidance – do as you’re told to. Well, it was successful, I became a marketer for some advertising firm and since then, I’ve been a business developer, writer, media consultant, brand manager et al and now I’m on my own, really finding my way.

I started staying with family friends who I didn’t even know till I got to Abuja and they were wonderful. After 4 months at their place, a relative told my parents that it wasn’t right for me to stay with people who weren’t family. Some arguments later I was moving my things to this relative’s house. It was so-so until some dramatic incidence that cannot be published for public viewership but it cost me my accommodation. Back to friends I went for another 10 months and it wasn’t the smoothest time in my life though but I had a roof over my head. Soon enough I started looking for my own accommodation and saving money too.

My dad called me on a certain day to say he had alerted everyone he could in Abuja about my accommodation issues; everyone included of friends and relatives. I thanked him and expected numerous invitations to find solace until my savings matched the price of rent in Abuja. I got a few calls giving me numbers of house agents and telling me about places to look for cheap accommodation but no invitations. I couldn't make up excuses for everyone of them. December was by the corner and I knew I couldn’t come back after Christmas to my friend’s place so I made a call to my mum’s sister in search of a place to lay my head for a while and she accepted. So after Christmas with my parents I got back to Abuja and stayed with my aunt who stays 30 minutes away from where I work but with the heavy traffic every morning, we spend between that and 1hour 30minutes.

My savings proved effective until some investment went bad and I was back to where I started. Over the next few months I moved back into town to stay with another friend. And I also found those tear glands that had gone missing and crying became normal again for me. Some people say crying does not help but I say it removes the tension from me so I’ll cry all I want.

All of these experiences got me thinking; how come no one showed up in my time of need but they are offended when I don’t attend meetings and pay homage to the elderly? Even though I have forgiven them, although I don’t think they realize that they have done anything wrong, I refuse to expose myself to more hurt. Once, an uncle told me I needed to find my own place because I may be needed to house some relatives especially during weddings and occasions and I asked him who will house me for now before I get the chance to house others and he just smiled. Incredible, he didn’t even have an explanation for why he couldn’t offer me a place to stay.

Over 4 years, I’ve learnt that people, who decide to love you, love you more selflessly than those who are compelled to by blood relationship. Now I understand why they used blood covenants in the past to convert friends into brothers because they believed that, “blood is thicker than water” therefore, the one of blood relation will stick closer than a friend. I guess it worked for them but in our time it has proved inconsequential. Water has been thicker than blood for me in Abuja and I’m certain many others share the same testimony.


p.s
To my friends who show genuine concern for me and go out of their way to help me, this article is my promise to you that “water will speak louder than blood” and my friendship you definitely have.